So they say..."The 1st step... is the hardest to take"
Friday, February 19, 2010
*Sighs*
You know how they say "The 1st step is always the hardest to take" (meaning the most difficult). It's typically used in reference to career choices or educational & life decisions where u have a goal or choice that you'd like to carry out, but you stagnate...procrastinating until you've convinced yourself that it isn't the best decision to make....even when u know it is beneficial to do so.
That's my scenario.
It started off about 6 years ago. I was fairly successful academically, well, until taking that damn Human Anatomy class that everyone and their MOMMA forewarned me about...People filling my head with the hype of "Yo, that instructor is NO JOKE! So many people failed her class because of her teaching ethics. She makes no sense. She needs to FIRED!"
I took it all in stride. Telling myself that I wouldn't feed into the hype. And I meant it. I mean, I know what i know, right? WRONG! That class was BOGUS! No matter how hard I tried to prove everyone wrong by studying my best, somehow I wasn't immune to failing her test. It stressed me the hell out ... so much to the point of no return. And I LITERALLY mean "NO RETURN".
I withdrew. I felt like that was the best thing for me to do at the time. I lost focus and drive....like that sh!t raped me of my sanity. To stress like THAT over some TESTS? Especially when giving all that I had in me to accomplish it was nonsense to me. To go from A/B average, to "Peace the hell out!" killed me! I was defeated! At that moment I quit college and kind of fell in a depression type mode. Guess you can say my 'fear of failure' won me over. At that point, in a sense, I felt useless....
And I say all of that to say this…”Yes! The 1st step IS the hardest!” Six years ago I gave up on what should've been mine. I gave up on my sanity and the belief in myself. And once you give that up, it is soooo very hard to fall back into the swing of things. But along that journey was a detour to so much more…only difference is that I had to open up to what it was that I wanted. I’ve realized that “If it’s official in your heart and mind, then you’ve already begun the process. Then next, all it takes is a step." <---(Quote me 
)
So, Tuesday starts the beginning of this whole “Trying again” phase. I just wanna start again and FINISH this time. I've got my books on hand, and my head on straight. Time to chase that bastard that made me lose focus in the 1st place.
Lets GO!
Comentarios for this Forum Topic
Damn girl! GO FOR IT!
you got the spirit this time! but DO IT for YOURSELF not to prove to others like last time
good luck to the new start !
For sure!
Much love...I really appreciate that
You'll do great
*hi-mothatruckin-5*!!!!
Hey Barbara j,You know what they say,Nothing comes easy. It's sad that there are people that enter into our lives just to try and mess up our life.Making it hard for that person.they don't want to see anyone achieve there goals.Or they say to themselves,I did'nt have it easy so why should you or anyone else have it easy.Just because there unhappy with there life.And some teachers or professors think that if there hard on you, they are preparring you for what the world will throw at you.So you have to stay strong.Try to over look there ego or there stupidity and stay the course.You just have to stand back and breath,regroup And take that first step again.When you really want something Nothing can stand in your way.So go back and show them(teachers) that you can do it,Your not a quitter.And never think that you are useless.We all have a purpose in life,Our job is to find that purpose.Do you remember in Alicia Keys Video (does'nt mean anything)That she was on a journey,and that big mountain that was in her way.She started to climb that tall mountain(her obstacle)until she reach the top.And once you can see over that Obstacle,It's all smooth sailing.So remember to do you.Peace and Love.BeeStrong.
OMG!!!! I'M SO PROUD OF MY BIG SIS!!!
You GO Barb!!!!
Blessings and Strength onto you. I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes ppl know what they are talking about. There are those who are full of knowledge but they can't teach the things they know. This is because they're too high minded to condescend and make that knowledge relative.
Basically: There are those who know and those who know how. Now you know and knowing is half the battle..lol
Get It Gurl
That's awesome, Barbara J! You should be very, VERY proud of yourself!
Go get it!
I like your quote too
Wow, I totally just happened to click on this post and God works in mysterious ways. When I read your words it struck me that in away, I am experiencing this idea of letting myself be defeated. What you were writing about completely speaks to me.
Thank you for this. It totally helped me put things in perspective.
I'm also glad that you are starting again because so many ppl give up and never try again. Great message for everyone, especially the young ppl!
Thanx,Cinna! ^5
BeeStrong,
Wow! I appreciate all of that brotha....Really
I'm just tryna do what your name says....lol
BeeStrong,
Wow! I appreciate all of that brotha....Really
I'm just tryna do what your name says....lol
T,
Thanx, sis
bigblue,
Thanx homegirl
Unique,
True that! All i know is that it SUCKS to give up! I dont ever wanna be in that position again
bondluvr09,
Thanks....and you like the quote too?! Thas wassup! Thank you
Iwilson83.
you said..."God works in mysterious ways". I know thas right!
Takes alot to gain motivation, especially from a long hiatus
Hang in there
So, I got a 90% on my first quiz
Excited!!! (Thank you Jesus)
*exhales* Phewwwwwww
On to the next---->
(pray for me, yall)
Now That's what i'm talking about,A woman on a mission.Great job. I knew you could do it. Keep up the good work. We all are with you.Next that 95% Those little steps count too. Peace,BeeStrong.
Great Job BJ on getting 90%
and I second what BeeStrong just said
I might not be able to pray but I'll send you all my positive vibes girl
you deserve it :hugs and love:
Congrats on the 90%! Wow, that's one heck of a way to start off!
Thanks, yall! Took the 2nd test...scored ANOTHER 90%....But DANG! I was going for 100%...:-$...maybe next time
Much love, yall
;-D Good glad to see you getting into it....makes you second guess the fear you had in the 1st place!
I really hate the phrase beginning "they say." It's like there's some aura about something said that separates you from the information source and what you aren't worthy of. I'm more likely to say, "it's been said before", or "somebody has said". You could even name the actual person being supported. This way the information can be looked at from a decentralised and critical point of view allowing you to be the information source as an interpretor of the environment. Which I think is what you have done except that not everything ever said is right (or may be biased) and you would want to disagree with it.
Essence,
It most definitely does!
Thanks:)
puppylove,
I respect your analogy
My purpose for writing the post though, was not to be so "technical", but to get the message across
I think that because my statement rubbed you so much the wrong way, you missed the whole point I was trying to make.
All good.
Good day
Btw, people
Got another "A" on my test...Made 100% this time
Yesssssssssssss! *throws the Tiger Woods fist*
lol
Thinking "Now how can i get that 90.23% grade average higher???!!!"...It's really busting my head open...4real
*sighs*
Congrats,Barbara J. I already knew It was going to be sooner rather than later. That you get that 100%.And when you feel like you need that extra boost,remember You have all of the AKFC,VIP Members backing you up.You will start to feel our eyes looking down at you.lol. Saying Go BJ,GO we got your back.lol.SO now that you know,That 90.23% will be real easy.Peace and Love,BeeStrong.
BJ you are the best gongrats !!!!!
Preciate the love, yall...I'm still hangin in there strong!...Yay!
Sup Barbara J.Just addedtoyou to twitter as WORLDPEACE1234. Please add me to.Ive talked to, Sabine, Cinna, so far. Glad to be backon the site. My old computer would not let me on the site,So I went about 4months with no AK family. I miss yall. Drop you a poem soon.
Barb, your post just makes me want to believe in myself more! Thanks for that and congrats on the great marks you are getting.
I'm going to believe that I will ace my exam tomorrow and I'm going to study right now
lol me too . I'm going to study right now
xx